555 Days Towards Level 9000: Day 94.
Time Awake: 7:57 a.m.
The past two days have been incredibly difficult, pertaining to that topic that it is still not prudent to speak about. One thing I know: it is easy to go through good, happy, Flow-y days. But it is the true measure of a person how they handle the ugly, difficult days.
So for two days, I did what needed to be done, even though it wasn’t enjoyable. Didn’t matter. I accomplished all that was necessary. I am proud of myself for this.
While I was waiting to pick up forms on one of the days, I was sitting, staying calm, soaking in my surroundings. Suddenly: I was outside of myself, looking at myself. It was odd, but I went with it.
In being outside of myself, I looked at Me, all of my traits, nuances, habits. I evaluated everything, noting what suited me and what was outdated or just there.
Little shit like having the same phone long beyond its shelf life or always having the same phone number.
And much bigger and deeper things. Habits, patterns, mindsets.
“Why?” was presented to each.
For much, the answer was “comfort,” “sameness” or “It’s how I’ve always done it.”
The last one especially is such a bullshit answer. “Always” doing something in a way doesn’t mean it has any practical application to Life as it is being Lived.
My foundation still exists and always will. My kindness. Empathy. The love I have for the people who matter most. These qualities will always be there.
But others…they just have to go. I’ve tasted better ways. Indulged in nicer food. Experienced quality people. Danced with thoughts and their application that exceeded my expectations.
This is a part of my growth. I’m going into it head on.